Monday, July 12, 2010

England bound!

If Lydia wasn't 20 months old, I wouldn't believe that it has been over 2 years since I've been home.  If you wonder how much I love Gary, I love him enough to leave my entire family over in another country for years on end, seeing them once in a blue moon.  I know a lot of people don't see their families often, so perhaps this isn't a big deal.  But then you probably don't have siblings like mine.  Gary is one lucky chubby head.  I live with acute awareness of how much I have sacrificed, yet I know it's more than I'm willing to acknowledge to myself.  I probably didn't realise that 10 years ago, what with being 21, carefree and running to someone I cared about because I was running away from people I cared about.  And would I know how important it all is if I didn't sacrifice it all so easily and willingly back then?

Don't get me wrong, we have built a life over here.  I love that we can go pick blueberries and blackberries with Lydia on the weekends.  We both have decent jobs and a house we can call our own, some family and friends.  I just find it incredible that I ended up in an area that is so far from progressive that it seems to go backwards.  The thought of bringing Lydia up in a state where the education system is a complete shambles, the racism is so blatant, and the open minds, well, they all work with me.  Step out of that non-profit little bubble and it's not very pretty out there. 

Luckily or unluckily for you, I am here to stay for a while.  And so, with it being 10 years this month that I moved over here, I'm in a rather reflective mood as to how it's been progressing.  I do believe I've made progress.  Gary and I are happier than we've ever been, building a life and a family together.  We've been through some ups and downs, but nothing that's ever made me second-guess that we were meant to be together.  I didn't move here for the scenery, and I certainly didn't move here because of the bright lights - I'm fairly certain that if I had opened my eyes and really thought about it, I perhaps wouldn't be married at all!  Seriously, the pros would have been Gary, and the cons would have been everything else.

When it comes down to it, I moved here for him and I don't regret it.  I talk a tough game because I'm not willing to settle.  Especially now that Lydia's in the picture.  For all the faults I find, Gary still outweighs them all.  I promise you though, one day he is going to pick up his ass and move me the hell out of here and closer to civilisation.  Because one day, he isn't going to be enough to keep me here and I'm sure as heebeegeebees not living out the rest of my days in South Carolina!  Sorry Carolina fans, it's just not for me, and certainly not enough for what Lydia's got in store for you.
England bound in 3 days!  I'm sure, on my return, I will be blogging about the overwhelming feeling of having far too many people invade my personal space in the city ;) 

1 comment:

de said...

Enjoy your trip! I love your write ups... you should get a part time gig as a writer. You do it good. I mean well. :-)

She gets cuter every time you post...